Conversations with myself

I am a writer, therefore I should write. But writing, while a balm for my psyche and a window to my soul, is a hollow thing if there is no one to read it. For too many years I have written in secret. Or in the service of someone else’s agenda. I take the risk here, admittedly, to cast out upon the limitless vista that is the Internet, and all the stars that are people, my voice and my thoughts. Big Brother, if you are listening, I will speak my mind without fear of reprisal, and if there is reprisal, at least I had my say.

I will write on many things, all those issues and worries that occupy my mind and that I decide are worthy of sharing with you, my unknown reader. Here I will be unadorned, uncensored, unedited (except by myself) and unrestrained, for after all, it is me talking to myself, as we all do. I will be candid and upfront: I have started this blog with the hope that my words and ideas may, possibly, one day draw the interest of others and help me launch that career as a creative writer, that always seemed out of reach and sequestered behind the mighty walls of publishers. If I wrote it had to be what they wanted me to write, channelled within strict parameters, and with a modicum of personal opinion. Such is the life of a professional writer. Paid by the word or the hour or the piece, or if I make my editor happy.

I know what you are thinking now – “Oh Gods not another vengeful navel-gazer bitching about how unfair the world has been to him.” That is not what I intend here. We all have problems. We are all imperfect, lonely, misunderstood, ignored and unrecognized. Wallowing in self-pity is not a good use of my time our yours. But I think my journey, ordinary though it may be, has worth in sharing. It can connect us as humans, with the same needs, fears, wants and dreams, only differentiated by variation. Here will I disgorge my thoughts, feelings, dreams and aspirations. Here will I share my ideas, poems, thoughts and points of view. If you like them, thank you, and read on. If you don’t stop reading and leave. It is that simple. But I challenge you – those who take umbrage at my opinions, to read them first and try to understand where I am coming from. I have no ideological agenda or financial stake in my words. I will do my best to back up my opinions with context and rationale. I will try as best I can to make it clear why I came to this opinion, and how it evolved the way it did. I am not an adherent of magical thinking or seeing the world as black and white, good and evil, right and wrong. I have lived this long to understand how one person’s good may be another’s evil, the paradise of one society appears to be the Sodom and Gomorrah of another. Its all a matter of perspective and personal experience.  So take them for what you will, these words of mine. Read them to know another’s thoughts and ideas. Accept them as my opinions and that is all. As Krishnamurthi once said “If someone tells you they have the Truth – run.

I have my truth as I see it and no more. But I can speak from some experience, which I intend to convey here with as much relevance as I can manage. This is not exhibitionism, or narcissism, or some bizarre form of psychotherapy, venting ones thoughts and feelings to a silent screen in the hopes of purging them. I will not be so unfair to you, my readers, who I will always keep in mind. My every thought or impulse is not the stuff of headlines and shouldn’t be. Often a writer’s true genius is not in what he or she writes, but what they do not write down. I shall be my own editor and do not have any presumptions that my insights are any more profound that those of anyone else. But they are unique to me.

What I have seen and experienced in my life is not the stuff of Shakespeare, but it is my story, told as honestly as I can. No I will not tell you every sordid thing – there are other venues for that, and you are welcome to visit them. My objective here is to convey, to document and to provide insight on these slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. It is my hope that some part of what I write here can be helpful to someone else. The old refrain “Don’t make the mistakes I made” comes to mind, but we all know people make those mistakes anyway. I tried to convey that idea to my burgeoning daughters in their teen years and was met by scorn and rebuff usually. “I know Dad.” was a favorite refrain. People are not ready to hear truths until they are ready. And as of this day, July 13, 2017, they still are not, though they are 25 and 28 respectively. Ah well, maybe one day.

So here we go, my hoped for readers, a new life, a new reality, a new means of expression that reaches beyond the confines of my computer or the blank page. Will any of it matter? Who knows? Will anyone read this? Who knows? It is my message in a bottle, my Voyager spacecraft hurtling into the abyss of space. To whomever has read this far: welcome and thank you.


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